Morning Starts

As I was having my cup of coffee before going of to work, I took the time to sit and flit through Facebook. The first I stopped to focus on was a page with short videos of Black Friday madness. A few videos in, I asked myself “I bet there are some holiday spirit-y things that happen on Black Friday….” and I know they do. Even from watching the crazy Walmart raids, you can see the people who are the peacemakers. Not yelling, pushing, patiently waiting behind the grab and run crowd for the next palette to come by.

When I sat in the car and flitted through the radio station, Pharrel’s “Happy” came on, and I don’t know many who can hear that and just not sense the happiness. I asked myself, “what if this was what I chose to start my day on?” I stayed in my head for most of my shift, and I ended up fully enjoying my day.

I’m one of those who do not own a TV service. I fully believe in staying away from the negativity spread through news. But it seems that the tendrils of negative focusing spans further.

What is it of us to have to share bad events as if they are something worth sharing? “Hey, did you see that video of that lady who got trampled on Black Friday?”  Sure, some things like catastrophes and horrors need to be known and discussed. But is there little great goodness to share in our feeds and conversation? Or is it that we don’t pay attention to it? We rubber-neck past a car accident, but don’t have eyes to see the man helping the elderly across a street.

I got to thinking (I think a lot, I know), when I was a Christian I did these things we call “Devotions.” The moment you get up, you grab your Bible, say a prayer to bless the day and ask that the Spirit speak through what is read, then read a scripture with the intention of finding something to continue the day upon. Honestly, what a healthy way to start the day! It provides structure to the day, a positive meditative start, and a willful conscious decision to continue the day in the same thoughtful stage.

Besides the religion itself, the practice is quite beneficial. Why not do the same with whatever one considers worth meditating on?

My thoughts for the day. A Penny for Yours? What do you think of daily “Devotional” time? Do you try to surround yourself with a positive, or at least “real,” perspectives? How?

Relationship Tips for being happy

Over-used internet picture for relationship articles

It seems everywhere you look online, someone has something to say about how to succeed in sexual relationships. As someone who revels in dialectics, I do revel in the plethora of information. The more voices and opinions, afterall, the better to make a synthesis, and some truth to absorb into oneself. Who doesn’t want to have a lasting/successful/fulfilling sexual relationship with another?

Alas, as I sat pondering all these things after a long bout of internet browse purging til 4 in the morning a thought came to me. Why not write my own? Afterall, I’ve been through a couple marriages and relationships in my short lifetime and make myself a studious scholar of all things that interest me. Surely I have something constructive to say about the whole fiasco of dating and such.

So here it goes:

1. Be Yourself.

Here is where most articles write a little explanation of the point given. Even though I’m sure I’m not alone in being one who just skims through and reads the bold. But, if you’re reading this, allow me to translate the above advice: Do you, don’t be not-you, keep it real, act natural, et cetera.
Unless you’re a rapist or a nazi. Then don’t be those things.

Also if you get the opportunity to be Peter Pan, do that. Cause if a fairy flies in your window and says your Peter Pan and you must return to Neverland because they need you, I don’t care who the fuck you are, you chose to be mother fucking Peter Pan. Cause fuck being an adult.

The End

Yep. No seriously, that’s my relationship advice. Pretty sure that’s all you need to be happy in life.

Penny for your Thoughts?

Work hard play hard

A mantra to live for.

Except when work is too slow to work hard enough. Every server’s had that day. Sometimes they stay and just plain get jaded into just standing around and not working (how often can you clean every thing ?). So, another thing happens, you get that rare and magical offer “you can go home if you want.”

The “If you want” ends up ringing in my head and eating away at my conscious as I drive. Regret. Guilt. The clearing thought of “oh my god my manager’s going to get the impression that I don’t want to work and that I’m that one person they can always call off on slow days! Stupid stupid stupid!”

Can’t turn back.

So what’s the message? It’s not a #serverproblems post.

Work hard, play hard. If you can’t work as hard as you wish you could play hard, and turn it into work.

As I continued driving further away, my mind soared at this and jotted down topics and scenes and characters to write about. The Hobby Lobby fiasco anyone? Next time maybe.

For now, a penny for your thoughts or whatever it’s worth to you?

No such thing as Failure

People don’t fail. They give up.

I saw this the other day on some business’/fire station/church billboard and it has been stuck in my head ever since.

False dichotomy. I’ve been on a kick with this one lately, seeing it wherever I go. Hearing it in what we say…. It’s not healthy to spew such falsehoods.

Yeah, it’s a motivational phrase. But I also think it hurts. For the good? Maybe. But it’s also simply not true.

We both fail, yet refuse to give up and pick ourselves up. Refusing to admit that failure happens helps no one. It happens. We fold, we fall, we scrape our knees and bottom out.

Just this week, I’ve failed. Bottomed out. We lost our apartment and moved back into mom’s. Like it or not, it’s a failure. We had no money, medical bills were drowning us, holding on wasn’t an option.

But are we giving up? No. Did we fail? Yes.

What do you think? Do many motivational sayings follow this fallacy? Do they still have meaning or do they just plain sting?

Change

Magnet from a christian inspirational store. Go ahead, buy one: http://stjent.pinnaclecart.com/index.php?p=product&id=3809

I used to hear this exhortation often. Whenever a big decisions (or even small ones) came around, it was encouraged to pray first. Some, I suppose, have converted this to a “think” first concept, or “meditate on it” if you will.

Why?

I suppose it’s because of the reality of the polarity of our own thoughts. As if two people are taking, one taking each side, but both being us (unless, of course, you believe one is God). The admonition to wait/meditate/pray, therefore, must be so that one can discern the “right” decision.

But I’m unsure, is there ever a right choice? This isn’t an ethics question, but a subjective one. Choices concerning our lives are ours alone, and surely deep down we know what we want. What will bring the most joy both immediate and long term. So why do we deliberate.

Carpe diem. Right? If a choice brings bad consequences, at least motion was made. Change. Isn’t stagnancy abhorrent?

Or do I have it all wrong, and it’s wise and careful discernment and “looking before you leap”?

What do you think? What method do you tend to take? Which do you think is more beneficial? Or is it even that cut and dry? Perhaps it’s situational?

Money the root of evil

It’s an old adage that we know best from the Christian scriptures: Money is the root of all evil. Doubtful, that it truly is the single root of all evil…. However something in it does ring true.

I’ve been busting my ass the past few weeks pulling twelve hour work days, hustling two jobs. Loving one, hating the other and ending my day unhappy. The bills don’t stop coming. Knock out one, another pops up. My medical bills alone from the last hospital stay quickly brought me into a downward jaded spiral of seeing nothing but green. Nothing has been enough for me.

Finally. Here I am writing again. Just the act of typing and engaging my mind brings me more joy than I’ve had in weeks.

Why? Because money isn’t everything. It buys stuff, and can buy a lot of happiness, sure. But for me, it’s not my life purpose. It’s a means to an end. If it becomes my purpose, it will never be enough, as it hasn’t these past weeks.

How silly.

But that’s me. What are your thoughts? Worked hard, so screw the penny… Want a nickel for em? 😉

Emotions

I woke up this morning, 11 hours of sleep, groggy and angry at the world for both oversleeping and not feeling rested.

As I kept pouring coffee down my throat, flipped through blog posts and FB statuses, one thing I’ve learned kept knocking around inside my skull.

I can trace it back to last night’s indulgence into skepticism and refreshing my mind with logical fallacies. The words “skepticism,” “truth,” and “logic” kept bouncing around in my cranium until I felt sick. Like something wasn’t right about this constant inundation to pursue these things like nothing else matters.

What in the blazes was it?

Emotions.

This small, almond shaped part of our brain called the amygdala which feeds the rest of our body if gone unchecked. Too many times have I witnessed skeptics, thinkers, and the like ignore emotions as “illogical” (oh, Spock…) and pay it no conscious mind, despite the fact that doing so allows it to unconsciously control the entire body, including mental functions such as where to store memory.

What I am most tormented by is how far science has gone in researching how to regulate this destructive, illogical little but in our brain: not far. Well, to be specific: we have been able to reproduce stressful responses easily while happiness doesn’t seem so black and white. Stick a monkey with a prod: pulse sky rockets, blood pressure rises, muscles tighten… all the repercussions of the negative emotions. Give the monkey a banana? Still stressed cause you prodded it.

My mind spins with this in a mess of jumbled words and thoughts. My only hope: we can better research this thing that controls us so, rather than ignore it.

Help me out here with some thoughts?

On another pot of coffee.

Playing Your Hand

Before typing this thought, I need to give respectful credit of where I read my best example of this metaphor: http://playingyourhandright.wordpress.com/
whose book I reviewed here:http://booksforyourthoughts.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/showing-america-how-to-live-by-taylor-oceans/
and whose said book you can purchase here:http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

Now that that is done.

The metaphor is a brilliant one, and something I often forget. Life is, at times, truly like a Poker game in that you are given but one hand. There is no trading, and who knows if you’ll get another round? Only the dealer knows (and who the hell is s/he? You don’t know the dealer. No one does. Just this ominous neutral party who throws you cards at random. Run with THAT metaphor however you see fit).

So, you’re handed a shit hand. Gonna sit and whine about it or do something with it? Yeah, you could bluff and fight and scrape your way through. And yeah, you could put all in and lose all. But facts are, you have a shit hand. It’s your choice if you want to shoot for the win or sit back and take your loss.

This has been the fuel of my personal thoughts and meditations. The life I was born into did not give me much to go on. If anything, it fucked me up pretty bad. Yeah, my folks did the best they could but I don’t blame them. I blame no one. I can’t, what good would it do? Whining and hiding this reality has gotten me nowhere. I haven’t been able to progress anywhere in my life until I accepted the facts and did what I could with it. I have to work with what I have.

Luckily, the fact that the converse of what I am trying to do is a reality is quite an encouragement: people with perfect hands lose as well. People born into stability, connections, recognition, and the like… they lose the game too. T

So with the facts lined up, it’s quite obvious that the hand isn’t to blame. It’s the one playing them.

But hell, what do you think? Am I wrong? Too hopeful? Is the metaphor too much of a stretch or does it fit?

Reactions?

Thoughts?

(P.S. If someone can advise me as to why the “link” option on posts is not working on my WordPress… that would be lovely)

Become a child

For the majority of my life, “you’re such a child” was thrown around as if it was a derogatory term. I was raised by those types of parents who think their baby is too “mature” for certain shows or activities. So in church, I was put in the teenagers Sunday school group. The boring one that sat around and read and talked about the Bible, rather than watching Veggietales like a normal 9 year old. Instead of watching Peter Pan and Show White, I watched the X-files and Star Trek because cartoons were too kiddy.

The older I’m getting, the more it seems that innocence and humility or not knowing is more admirable than an aura of wisdom. True wisdom, after all, like Socrates exclaims “I know nothing!” and continues on the daily to learn and grow. The most wise individuals I’m sure we all know, will continue to say no matter what their age (even the ones in their 90’s) that they truly know nothing at all.

Ironically, the Jesus’ writings in the Bible likewise refer to a child-like attitude as desirable:

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

I rarely hear a child waking up dreading another day. Or fretting about being an adult or if they’ll ever get married.

Yet somewhere in between teenage life, and young adulthood, we loose out innocence and optimism for life. Don’t we? Life starts looking bleak and a struggle to rise from the top.

Whatever happened to the days of imagination and days that seemed to last forever? Adventure and discovery? Absorbing like a sponge? Afterall, medicine used to think at a certain age we stopped growing neural patheways – but now realizes this is just not true! We’re not done after we hit adulthood, we can continue growing and learning.

What do you think? Naive? Immature? Admirable or “childish”?

Thoughts?

Moms are human

Today I reflect on the humanity of mothers. A saying is often thrown around how “mothers are sacred,” but “sacred” isn’t a word we use outside of religious contexts and can be a difficult word to understand completely. So, instead, I see it as more appropriate to see our moms as human. Like us.

Actually, the same as us.

Too many of us, myself included, wallow in the wrongs our mothers did to us. Perhaps they did drugs, perhaps they didn’t/couldn’t stop our abuse be it from the father or other, perhaps they just didn’t raise you how you would’ve wanted and you think you can do better.

That reality is why I posted the above video. I posted it because despite the above reality, we all come to a point in our humanity where we realize that we all make mistakes. Yes, our parents were the largest nurturing factor to our creation as a human being, and sure we may deal with a lot of fucked up shit because of what they did or did not do. The fact is, they are human and if we do not forgive them, we will end up doing the same to our children.

The video above shows depicts an artist, and a fellow man, who did what many of us do: Throw in our mothers face their mistakes. Get angry at her. Tell her off. Whatever. Then, like the above, we all grow up and come to see that our mom is still our mom, and she tried her darndest. Or, she didn’t try… but what happened to her to cause her to neglect you? Did her S.O. leave her? Think about it. There were reasons, she didn’t neglect you because she hated you.

Penny for your Thoughts? A nickel if you will call your estranged mother today… would it help? Or is the pain too unbearable for any amount to alleviate it?