Women: 5 things to fucking stop doing now


Anyone who has dated me, friend-ed me, married me, or the like has heard me utter the words “I hate women.” From a young age onward I lived the Tom Boy life. Not because dolls and hopscotch weren’t my thing, but because their odd social interaction were confusing to me. My first interaction with a female in school, I recall happened while I was watching curiously while the boys played wall-ball (or whatever it was called then), and this girl with braids ran up to me and asked if we could be friends. My mind went something towards the extent of “who the hell are you and why would I be your friend?” I said no, and she promptly ran back off and never talked to me again.

Other interactions were equally strange: gossip, the whole “who do you think is cutest” thing, the crying, the catiness, and the fuzzy lines of what is ok and not. Two more examples: 1.) Rough housing with who was and still is my best friend (and one of two girl-friends that I have) in recess, I had thrown sand at her and apparently that crossed the arbitrary line of what is not ok, and she ran off crying and didn’t speak to me until I came up and apologized for…. fuck if I knew then, I just knew that that’s what I had to do to get her to talk to me. 2.) Apparently when you’re in 1st grade, and you’re talking about what boy you think is the cutest, saying who you want to marry is OK, but saying who you are going to have sex with is not. Don’t know where I learned whatever-I-thought-sex-was at the ripe ‘ole age of 6, but I damn it I knew that that’s what married people did. Apparently that must’ve made the girls uncomfortable because it got to my teacher and I got a talking to after school.

Why couldn’t any of these three situations been dealt with between those who were involved? Why run away? Why get emotional? Why the cold-shoulders? Why the nods of “uh huh” and giggle and then telling on to a teacher?

The reason why I still do not enjoy the company of women is because all of these childhood attributes still run rampant. We have memes about them, they show up in our sitcoms and depictions of the stereotypical nagging wife. Yet it’s all socially acceptable, and men are still being told half-no-so-jokingly before getting married the advice of “She is always right.”

Then things like this, the woman’s translation guides that we have all undoubtedly see that both women and men agree as being true:

So, without further ado, here are 5 things Women need to stop fucking doing, now: 

  1. No means Yes, Fine means it’s not fine (i.e. read my mind)

    Honestly, most of these are going to be about women wanting men** to read their minds and not actually meaning the words that come out of their lips. But I get really tired of my male friends telling me how they don’t fucking know what their woman means when they say something, and that they end up getting shit on for it.

    Stop it.

    We may have a greater empathetic insight , but we can not assume everyone else can deduce what we mean when we say something.

    Not to mention saying one thing, and meaning the opposite, is usually known as lying. Stop lying and say what you mean.

    2. Giving Chase/ being coy/ not saying No when it gets uncomfortable

    This one is a big one. Yes, the chase can be a lot of fun. A lot of men enjoy the “hunt” of courtship, and a lot of women, myself included, enjoy being courted.

    BUT- and this is a huge but, stop giving chase when you are not interested, and use your “No” when something goes to far. A no is all it takes, and unless you have unwisely given chase to a rapist, all men will stop at a firm “No.” If they get mad at you saying no, then that is not someone you should be around. At all. Was this not taught to us as children or did too many of us not get the memo on obvious male douchery and potential rapist red flags?

    It’s not being coy to let him touch your hair if it makes you feel uncomfortable***, it’s not just being nice to smile and saw “awww” (stop that shit too) when a guy compliments a part of you that feels uncomfortable. Use your words, you’re a grown ass person. The vast majority of men will stop and engage you as another human being. The rest are rapists and you should run, or use your pepper spray.

    Funny how we tend to see ourselves as being sexy and in power when we make contact without consent from a man**, but yet if a man does it and we don’t like it, we can call assault without any need for communicating it, hm? Which leads to my next point:

    3. Double Standards

    Yeah, there are differences in the genders. Yes, men have different muscular structures (on average) and can usually over-power a female. Due to this biological fact that comes with higher levels of testosterone, yes they can more easily rape us than we can them.

    BUT– every standard we hold to others, should also be held to us. Consent is sexy as fuck, get a “fuck yeah” and sexytimes become so much more sexy. [[And since I know someone will call it, yeah some people like rape-play, that’s cool, but all good kinksters know that there needs to be consent before such plays are engaged in. If it’s sexy for you, communicate it clearly and preferably with a safe word as such things can get psychologically and physically damaging very quickly. All sex requires safety in some degree or another. ]]

    If you want it from your significant other, you should likewise give it to him/her.

    If you physically strike a man, they have a right to lawful self-defense, and if  you are physically stronger than them (yep, it happens) it may be lawfully quite just for them to hit you back: It’s not cute, it’s called assault. If they say “No,” it means no and stop: you’re not being cute and foxy, you’re being rapey. You are not always right, they are not always wrong, we are all humans with functioning brains and intellect and your genitals do not dictate your rightness: humbleness is a sexy trait, admit when you are wrong.

    4. Not asking for what you want

    Granted, this is very similar to point #1 in that it demands the other reading one’s mind, however it deserves it’s own point because it is the more silent, passive relationship killer.

    As a woman and a lady, we’re usually told to be overly modest in asking for our needs. It’s not “proper” for a woman to communicate when she is horny, yet it’s expected of the man to do so? Let’s end that. If you want him to stay home with you because you’re feeling needy today, say so. If you’re moody, communicate you need space. If just really want that double fudge brownie ice cream and that will solve all your problems (admit it, it happens), ask for it or get it.

    Your needs are valid and you will not get them unless you ask. You may not get them if you ask either, that’s life. If you can say no to sex, so can he (point #3).

    5. Exaggerated assault claims, flat out not-true rape/assault claims, and “I changed my mind I didn’t like it” assault/rape claims

    This is a touchy one. As a woman, it’s scary to write about. I’ve been a victim of assault at a young age, like so many women, and it changed my life. As usual, the man did not get justly punished for what he did to me and I was the one blamed for “getting him in trouble” when so many other women “had it done to them and liked it.”

    However, and I’m sorry not sorry, but women do lie. There are innocent men whose lies are forever ruined from a flat out false assault/rape charge.

    That is not ok, just as equally as it is not OK for a woman to get shit on for a legitimate horrid, disgusting crime against them. Is it our fault that we get shit on for our false claims? No, it’s not. But we tend to fight for that more than we do for the innocent men, don’t we?

    False claims happen, exaggerated claims happen (he touched me without my consent when what happened was he touched your hand, and you know damn well everyone reads “touched” as he touched your private parts. Can you imagine if a man claimed un-consensual touch for a hand/arm/shoulder/hair touch? Imagine it, go ahead.), and yeah, “I changed my mind and didn’t mean “yes” when I said “yes” claims” do happen to.

    Men are humans too. Let’s treat them like that, as equal creatures who can equally be falsely accused as much as a woman can.

    ** I write this in the context of heterosexuality because that is what I know, and for no other reason.

    *** Mind you, there are of course lines. If he touches your private regions, that’s a no-no that should only be gone to with clear and explicit consent.


7 reasons friend zone talk needs to stop.

The easiest and most aesthetic way of doing is by addressing memes. No one likes reading walls of text, unless you’re a reader. Let’s get started:

1 Because obtaining an opposite sex bff is like dying.


I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in fucking brothers. Figurative siblings is a tight bond, one that surpasses sexuality and enters into a “you are blood” realm.

Please don’t paint men out to be incapable of this perspective and love. You’re only undermining the sex and perpetuating negative stereotypes.

2. Because adults are incapable of meaning what they say.


I’m sorry, do the words “let’s watch a movie” mean something else? Is there an English dialect I am not aware of?

Oh, haha, you think it means sex! I’ll remember this next time my mom asks me this.

3. Because no one ever regrets an incapacitated drunken screw.


Yeah, no. This is called taking advantage of a person. Mind you, I am of the belief that decisions made with the use of inhibition removing additives are, in fact, still a persons conscious decision. I do not, entirely, believe a drunken fuck = rape. However, neither is it a healthy way to move from friend to something else.

Neither does a screw = a relationship.

This too often leads to regret. Not because it’s wrong, but because it’s often too soon and done without much thought. Be respectful, ask yourself “does she really want this with me? Would she do this sober?”

The further problem with this is… It just sounds rapey. Let’s not use drugs to just get someone in the sack, shall we?

4. Because I am entitled to sex.


Really? Get pissed when it doesn’t screw? I’m assuming this translates to you are mad when a female does not want to let you into her pants and says “no”.

Hm. Really think about that one. If you see women as walking sex objects, you may want to reevaluate your ethics and level of regard for human beings.

5. Because let’s completely belittle asexual people, make it seem like they can not never have meaningful relationships, and make a persons sexual orientation a joke.


This one is plain disgusting. On every level imaginable. Why is sex the crossing line between… Shit, anything? Why can’t asexuals have a meaningful relationship? Why the hell would you see the mate as anything less than a mate?

This furthermore assumes the asexual partner is forcing asexuality on their partner, when this just isn’t the case. Newsflash, sex is sex. Love is not possessive, it permits people yo be themselves in every capacity they can. It celebrates expression and self-hood, doesn’t restrict it.

6. Because I still adhere to social stigmas of monogamous relationships and further perpetuate this with stupid memes.


I’ve written about this one a lot. Let’s continue to perpetuate the idea that a person can not have sex with whoever they want because their significant other refuses to let them. Because, you know… LOYALTY!! *fist in the air*

7. Because we are incapable of communication.


Hypothetical adult conversation #1, without like leading to sex.
Man: Hey, I really like you.
Woman: Me too!
The end.

Hypothetical adult conversation #2, with leading to sex:
Man: Hey, I really like you.
Woman: Me too!

Only difference is somewhere down the line in the relationship, a move will be made and either there is a “yes” or a “no”.

The most fulfilling relationships I have had with men have been open and honest. Cause, ya know, I don’t associate with ignorance, manipulation, and coniving behavior. I’ve had some propose sexual relationships either as friends-with-benefits ( hate the use of ” benefits”… But for now I’ll go with it) and some as a relationship. Guess what? I’m either attracted to them or not. Surprise surprise: I communicate this and we either move forward sexually, or move forward non-sexually. Either way, we move forward. Not having sex isn’t a roadblock or mean our relationship is anything less, just means it doesn’t jive that way. Not everyone in compatible or mutually attracted to each other in a sexual way.

Let’s make that OK and act like adults, not children shall we?

For more memes like these, as well as inspiration for this post, go here:

What about you? Anything I left out? Disagree with anything?

Penny for your thoughts and a nickel for your honesty?

Slut Shaming


Let’s be clear before I tackle this dead horse ( or is it dead if people still think it just? ): dishonesty is an awfully icky trait to have. I do not endorse the act of “cheating”, but the concept of possessiveness in the entire created restriction on another human being of ” cheating”.

Difficult to put into its proper words when it’s not a concept widely held in our present society.

We still seem to hold great regard and respect for those who maintain a monogamous relationship. Those who seduce, flirt, and “play around” are seen as the lesser. Sexual promiscuity bears a negative connotation or at the least, immaturity. Settling down, that is, obtaining a restricted monogamous relationship , is a goal to be reached.

That there is such a think as shaming or even using the word “slut” anymore is mind blowing to me. Why can not people do as they wish with their lives without judgment? Why see it as a cry for attention? Perhaps, some seek affirmation from others by sexual acts. And perhaps, that is not optimum in it’s depth of implication… But it would not seem that outward judgment aids anything.

Ultimately, love and honesty in all things. If one isn’t honest with him/herself, no matter how they live and act sexually and otherwise than they are cheating only themselves.

But alas, my words always fall short of what I wish to communicate. Discourse aids that. So:

Penny for your thoughts?

Relationship Tips for being happy

Over-used internet picture for relationship articles

Over-used internet picture for relationship articles

It seems everywhere you look online, someone has something to say about how to succeed in sexual relationships. As someone who revels in dialectics, I do revel in the plethora of information. The more voices and opinions, afterall, the better to make a synthesis, and some truth to absorb into oneself. Who doesn’t want to have a lasting/successful/fulfilling sexual relationship with another?

Alas, as I sat pondering all these things after a long bout of internet browse purging til 4 in the morning a thought came to me. Why not write my own? Afterall, I’ve been through a couple marriages and relationships in my short lifetime and make myself a studious scholar of all things that interest me. Surely I have something constructive to say about the whole fiasco of dating and such.

So here it goes:

  1. Be Yourself.

Here is where most articles write a little explanation of the point given. Even though I’m sure I’m not alone in being one who just skims through and reads the bold. But, if you’re reading this, allow me to translate the above advice: Do you, don’t be not-you, keep it real, act natural, et cetera.
Unless you’re a rapist or a nazi. Then don’t be those things.

Also if you get the opportunity to be Peter Pan, do that. Cause if a fairy flies in your window and says your Peter Pan and you must return to Neverland because they need you, I don’t care who the fuck you are, you chose to be mother fucking Peter Pan. Cause fuck being an adult.

The End

Yep. No seriously, that’s my relationship advice. Pretty sure that’s all you need to be happy in life.

Penny for your Thoughts?

Emotions and the Bible


I’ve been thinking about emotions lately. Why people I’ve been discussing with are admonishing more actions to obtain emotions, mainly “happiness” and “fun.” This, I compare and contrast with the logical self, the “Spock” who feels no emotions, or at least only acts upon what is logical.

Naturally, the extremes of the two are not considered desirable. Yet, I believe that Christianity has taught the latter extreme.

Consider the sermon on the mount: anger and hate is subject to judgement, as is lust. Don’t hate your enemy, and looking at another woman apparently is adultery in itself. Article after article with a simple search (or sitting in a conservative service) spreads demonizing the “harlot,” and the type of women who entice men.

Suggestive, seductive clothing is one of the traps she uses to lure the young man. I look around at some gatherings of believers and wonder, “Don’t these women realize what they are communicating to men by the way they dress?” An outwardly modest appearance reflects a modest and wise heart. Immodest dress suggests a foolish, immoral heart.

You know, cause a woman wanting sex is bad. But a man “courting” a woman and “wooing” her is a noble thing.

This seems very damaging to me. The extensive nature of Christian upbringing in America says to me that many of us have been indoctrinated in these models of thought and the tendrils may run deeper than we realize.

I could write more, but it would be excessive.

What are your thoughts, on any of it?

Confession: I judge you


Forgive me, largefamiliesonpurpoae.com people. But I hate you.

Hate is such a strong word. But when I see Christian families with 3+ children, I have this evil reaction inside of me. I can only call that boiling of blood, gall, and stomach acids hate.

Oh, I also hate you young Christians with your happy little virgin weddings. I judge you and think you are retarded.

Phew. That’s off my shoulders.

OK, so there are most likely personal reasons that I just impose onto everyone else as my own blind biases, so before the flaming and hurt from Facebook and church friends ensues I will name my biases, cognitive dissonance, and mirroring out front. Perhaps it will be cathartic and I will stop cringing every time you announce you are pregnant, again, or engaged to your lovely pure wife:

1. Did that whole virgin marriage. It sucked. I look back on it like “wow was I dumb” and do the same to all of you. As magical as you think your wedding night will be, in the sheer reality and statics of “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” logic, you will hate it. (Ensue “intimacy arguments below. You know you want to.)

2. I miscarried my only pregnancy and have trouble conceiving. Therefore, I hate you and your 5th baby. Share damn it.

3. Idiots populate way too easily, and the smartest people I know are refusing to populate the world. Ever seen ” Idiocracy”? Yeah, it’s what I think.

So sorry. Not sorry if you’re either dumb, or on the Jesus-freak no-logic/reason train.

I know I’m not alone, and I know also a lot of flame and personal examples will ensue. Soooo….

Penny for your thoughts?

Transgender, Sexuality, and Cruelty

You are beautiful, no matter who you are or become or was or will be. You are human, and part of us.

You are beautiful, no matter who you are or become or was or will be. You are human, and part of us.

**I wrote this without a lot of awareness of terms and uses of pronouns. This is new to me. Please forgive them before I get to a full edit.**

Today, I met and spoke as an equal with a transgendered individual who identified as “queer,” so in this post I will use “she” to identify “her” due to it being the gender “she” identifies most with and seeks to be. It was humbling, frightening, sickening, and saddening. The pain she has been through in her search for complete alteration (operation) shot a dagger of pain into my heart. I had to vent it out after our discussion lest I carry my sorrow over her pain all day.

She had been raped, faced with the rapist on the bus on her way home because she was afraid to prosecute him. She’s been called horrible things. Treated horribly. Shown almost no support due to their being so few people who identify as transgendered in our city. And yet still, had the strength to be alive today. As she unleashed her pain and suicidal thoughts and intentions (could not keep living pre-op, hated herself), I tried my hardest to understand, try to understand, and show support and complete non-judgement.

She was a wonderful person. I talked to her for the first time about by own monogamous polyamory (perhaps I will share at a later time, here, on that), and she understood and listened. We talked, and my heart lightened.

I hope to see her again, I hope she carries the strength to keep going. I hope humanity can rise above judging their fellow man for such things. I have hope that we can.

I can type no more on this, so please: your thoughts, feelings, reactions, advise, and stories for a penny or more.