Women: 5 things to fucking stop doing now

WOMEN MEAN

Anyone who has dated me, friend-ed me, married me, or the like has heard me utter the words “I hate women.” From a young age onward I lived the Tom Boy life. Not because dolls and hopscotch weren’t my thing, but because their odd social interaction were confusing to me. My first interaction with a female in school, I recall happened while I was watching curiously while the boys played wall-ball (or whatever it was called then), and this girl with braids ran up to me and asked if we could be friends. My mind went something towards the extent of “who the hell are you and why would I be your friend?” I said no, and she promptly ran back off and never talked to me again.

Other interactions were equally strange: gossip, the whole “who do you think is cutest” thing, the crying, the catiness, and the fuzzy lines of what is ok and not. Two more examples: 1.) Rough housing with who was and still is my best friend (and one of two girl-friends that I have) in recess, I had thrown sand at her and apparently that crossed the arbitrary line of what is not ok, and she ran off crying and didn’t speak to me until I came up and apologized for…. fuck if I knew then, I just knew that that’s what I had to do to get her to talk to me. 2.) Apparently when you’re in 1st grade, and you’re talking about what boy you think is the cutest, saying who you want to marry is OK, but saying who you are going to have sex with is not. Don’t know where I learned whatever-I-thought-sex-was at the ripe ‘ole age of 6, but I damn it I knew that that’s what married people did. Apparently that must’ve made the girls uncomfortable because it got to my teacher and I got a talking to after school.

Why couldn’t any of these three situations been dealt with between those who were involved? Why run away? Why get emotional? Why the cold-shoulders? Why the nods of “uh huh” and giggle and then telling on to a teacher?

The reason why I still do not enjoy the company of women is because all of these childhood attributes still run rampant. We have memes about them, they show up in our sitcoms and depictions of the stereotypical nagging wife. Yet it’s all socially acceptable, and men are still being told half-no-so-jokingly before getting married the advice of “She is always right.”

Then things like this, the woman’s translation guides that we have all undoubtedly see that both women and men agree as being true:

So, without further ado, here are 5 things Women need to stop fucking doing, now: 

  1. No means Yes, Fine means it’s not fine (i.e. read my mind)

    Honestly, most of these are going to be about women wanting men** to read their minds and not actually meaning the words that come out of their lips. But I get really tired of my male friends telling me how they don’t fucking know what their woman means when they say something, and that they end up getting shit on for it.

    Stop it.

    We may have a greater empathetic insight , but we can not assume everyone else can deduce what we mean when we say something.

    Not to mention saying one thing, and meaning the opposite, is usually known as lying. Stop lying and say what you mean.

    2. Giving Chase/ being coy/ not saying No when it gets uncomfortable

    This one is a big one. Yes, the chase can be a lot of fun. A lot of men enjoy the “hunt” of courtship, and a lot of women, myself included, enjoy being courted.

    BUT- and this is a huge but, stop giving chase when you are not interested, and use your “No” when something goes to far. A no is all it takes, and unless you have unwisely given chase to a rapist, all men will stop at a firm “No.” If they get mad at you saying no, then that is not someone you should be around. At all. Was this not taught to us as children or did too many of us not get the memo on obvious male douchery and potential rapist red flags?

    It’s not being coy to let him touch your hair if it makes you feel uncomfortable***, it’s not just being nice to smile and saw “awww” (stop that shit too) when a guy compliments a part of you that feels uncomfortable. Use your words, you’re a grown ass person. The vast majority of men will stop and engage you as another human being. The rest are rapists and you should run, or use your pepper spray.

    Funny how we tend to see ourselves as being sexy and in power when we make contact without consent from a man**, but yet if a man does it and we don’t like it, we can call assault without any need for communicating it, hm? Which leads to my next point:

    3. Double Standards

    Yeah, there are differences in the genders. Yes, men have different muscular structures (on average) and can usually over-power a female. Due to this biological fact that comes with higher levels of testosterone, yes they can more easily rape us than we can them.

    BUT– every standard we hold to others, should also be held to us. Consent is sexy as fuck, get a “fuck yeah” and sexytimes become so much more sexy. [[And since I know someone will call it, yeah some people like rape-play, that’s cool, but all good kinksters know that there needs to be consent before such plays are engaged in. If it’s sexy for you, communicate it clearly and preferably with a safe word as such things can get psychologically and physically damaging very quickly. All sex requires safety in some degree or another. ]]

    If you want it from your significant other, you should likewise give it to him/her.

    If you physically strike a man, they have a right to lawful self-defense, and if  you are physically stronger than them (yep, it happens) it may be lawfully quite just for them to hit you back: It’s not cute, it’s called assault. If they say “No,” it means no and stop: you’re not being cute and foxy, you’re being rapey. You are not always right, they are not always wrong, we are all humans with functioning brains and intellect and your genitals do not dictate your rightness: humbleness is a sexy trait, admit when you are wrong.

    4. Not asking for what you want

    Granted, this is very similar to point #1 in that it demands the other reading one’s mind, however it deserves it’s own point because it is the more silent, passive relationship killer.

    As a woman and a lady, we’re usually told to be overly modest in asking for our needs. It’s not “proper” for a woman to communicate when she is horny, yet it’s expected of the man to do so? Let’s end that. If you want him to stay home with you because you’re feeling needy today, say so. If you’re moody, communicate you need space. If just really want that double fudge brownie ice cream and that will solve all your problems (admit it, it happens), ask for it or get it.

    Your needs are valid and you will not get them unless you ask. You may not get them if you ask either, that’s life. If you can say no to sex, so can he (point #3).

    5. Exaggerated assault claims, flat out not-true rape/assault claims, and “I changed my mind I didn’t like it” assault/rape claims

    This is a touchy one. As a woman, it’s scary to write about. I’ve been a victim of assault at a young age, like so many women, and it changed my life. As usual, the man did not get justly punished for what he did to me and I was the one blamed for “getting him in trouble” when so many other women “had it done to them and liked it.”

    However, and I’m sorry not sorry, but women do lie. There are innocent men whose lies are forever ruined from a flat out false assault/rape charge.

    That is not ok, just as equally as it is not OK for a woman to get shit on for a legitimate horrid, disgusting crime against them. Is it our fault that we get shit on for our false claims? No, it’s not. But we tend to fight for that more than we do for the innocent men, don’t we?

    False claims happen, exaggerated claims happen (he touched me without my consent when what happened was he touched your hand, and you know damn well everyone reads “touched” as he touched your private parts. Can you imagine if a man claimed un-consensual touch for a hand/arm/shoulder/hair touch? Imagine it, go ahead.), and yeah, “I changed my mind and didn’t mean “yes” when I said “yes” claims” do happen to.

    Men are humans too. Let’s treat them like that, as equal creatures who can equally be falsely accused as much as a woman can.

    ** I write this in the context of heterosexuality because that is what I know, and for no other reason.

    *** Mind you, there are of course lines. If he touches your private regions, that’s a no-no that should only be gone to with clear and explicit consent.

Emotions and the Bible

The-Wife-Who-Bases-Her-Life-on-the-Bible-rather-than-Her-Emotions

I’ve been thinking about emotions lately. Why people I’ve been discussing with are admonishing more actions to obtain emotions, mainly “happiness” and “fun.” This, I compare and contrast with the logical self, the “Spock” who feels no emotions, or at least only acts upon what is logical.

Naturally, the extremes of the two are not considered desirable. Yet, I believe that Christianity has taught the latter extreme.

Consider the sermon on the mount: anger and hate is subject to judgement, as is lust. Don’t hate your enemy, and looking at another woman apparently is adultery in itself. Article after article with a simple search (or sitting in a conservative service) spreads demonizing the “harlot,” and the type of women who entice men.

Suggestive, seductive clothing is one of the traps she uses to lure the young man. I look around at some gatherings of believers and wonder, “Don’t these women realize what they are communicating to men by the way they dress?” An outwardly modest appearance reflects a modest and wise heart. Immodest dress suggests a foolish, immoral heart.


You know, cause a woman wanting sex is bad. But a man “courting” a woman and “wooing” her is a noble thing.

This seems very damaging to me. The extensive nature of Christian upbringing in America says to me that many of us have been indoctrinated in these models of thought and the tendrils may run deeper than we realize.

I could write more, but it would be excessive.

What are your thoughts, on any of it?

Cosplay women: The comments

image

Photography David Ngo

It’s never the articles on issues of slut shaming that interest me. The lack of sources, the bullish agendas, the stretching of accusations… I don’t give it a second look. It’s the comments.

The article: huff post women, as usual

Followed by the usual:
“She’s asking for it.”
“You wouldn’t let your daughter dress like that.”
“Live with it.”
“It’s a crowded area, what do you expect?”
And the like.

Do I think the photo taking is a problem? No. Public area, photography isn’t illegal. Slander or misusing it is. Sure.

Groping, is an issue. Look with your eyes, not with your hands. Common sense.

Treating a woman like a sexual object because she shows skin, is.

All in all, C.B.F. Dress how you want. Look, don’t touch. Am also tired of this being talked about so much, and so little action. As one commentor boasted: ” we had our heads bashed in for standing up for women.”

This has been your feministic post of the month. Same thing, over and over, ain’t it?

Penny for your Thoughts?

Random P.S: Legalize prostitution!

Sorry honey, alcohol is not an excuse to ruin some guys life.

Leads to an interesting discussion on consent, consciousness, and the concept of self. When taken philosophically, and open-mindedly, it may take some hard arguing to get out. I am interested in everyone’s thoughts.

For your ease into the discussion, these are the last two interactions between self and OP:

ME: Hmm, amnesia =/= consent either. I hear your point, and it’s granted,

I can see the male’s side, but there is a female side as well, and rape ruins lives. However, if consent was given under the influence, then that it one thing. I see a difficulty in proving that if she did not remember. I, again, agree assuming based on that reality alone, is neither OK.

I can not imagine a person having not desired the act, thereafter. Remembered or not, it’s painful.

I’m still slightly torn on something though. Doesn’t the man have the ability to say no as well? I’m unsure why the man doesn’t carry at least some responsibility in this discussion. Especially if she is overly intoxicated, and him not.

Am I making sense? Or going in circles? Do tell, I-m honestly trying to wrestle with this.

OP: I don’t think so. If the man doesn’t consider himself raped, there isn’t an issue if he consumes too much alcohol. If he consents to it, then he consents to it.

Now the man who had sex with the girl? Same thing. They both /could/ say no, but why should they? It’s a consenting act.

My tip is to just not be shit-faced drunk in the first place.

Re: To Wives: Before you Were “Mommy”

Stock photo, not me. ;)

Stock photo, not me. 😉

 

This is a response to another blog and blogger titled “scissortail silk.” You can find her article, and please do so, here. Be forewarned, some use of strong language and criticism to follow.

We researched together, shopped together and made every choice surrounding the arrival of our new baby together. I’m talking right on down to the discussion of which wipes would represent the Thompson household.

I opened this blog article with open arms, ready to hear some insight into relationships and wisdom pertaining to motherhood and marriage. With such an easily connectable hook, I had to continue reading. I smiled at the shared experience of the “doing everything together” aspect of relationships. Even before parenthood, many giddy new-couples experience this and many a older couple still practice as a reality of togetherness. It can be fun to do things in pairs, and to glean opinions from another concerning choices affecting the household you both share.

So, I delved in expecting another bullet-point blog of things a couple should not forget while the wear and tear of parenthood drains them of their romantic energies. I could already see most of them in my mind’s memory, but every perspective and individual experience sheds new light and wisdom onto something countless couples experience. So, I continued reading….

Until, something started feeling wrong. Not in the message. Not in the words. It was deeper than that.

It started here:

Ladies, there will come a day when your husband walks in the door and you do not turn around. You will be preoccupied with filling up sippy cups and wiping booties. You will shout over the running bath water….

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something felt off. I shrugged it off and nodded along with the general message that many of these blogs towards new parents presses: Don’t forget each other when it gets hectic. I’ve already seen many of my friends and co-workers go through the sleeplessness of baby-toddler reeling. I had seen what the 3am feedings can do, it can be slightly repelling to a child-less woman not presently in the “last egg” days quite yet.

Ladies, there will come a day when you spend every last ounce of yourselves on your children. The demands of life and the babies will come before any other priority. What little of yourself you have left at the end of the day will be used to crawl into bed before someone is awake to need you again.

There it was again. I tilted my head to the side as I read this and thought good and hard. I read and gleaned through the last of the article until certain words, phrases, and inbetween-lines started to pop out:

The husband that once completed your heart….

When you arrive home after meeting the demands of work, you will be expected to meet the demands of your family…

Remember that you are his wife….

Men, remember your bride. The care and love that she has given you will soon be spilled over to your children.

Repeating over and over again…. what is that? What is that feeling deep down in my stomach…? That itching against the inside of my skull?

Oh right.

I’m a fucking baby machine. Right? I cook, clean, and stay the fuck at home where I belong while my husband goes to work to provide for our family that is apparently trapped in the fucking 1940’s.

You know what WAS repeating over and over again in this article to the female reader? Two labels: Mother, and wife. There is something horridly wrong in that dichotomy. I do believe I am a woman and a human being as well, and am more than my vagina and my uterus.

I am absolutely baffled that this article speaks to the pre-child woman with such prophetic words, as if all women are going to be stay at home moms with husbands that work full time. I had to scroll up and make absolutely sure that this blog was written in 2014 because I could not believe it.

I have nothing against women who do this, nor would I ever tell a women what to do with their life. It’s theirs is to chose. Work, don’t work. Get married, don’t. I really don’t care. I would honestly hope that you remember that you have a mind of your own and that you are more than just a mom to your children, but I understand the demands get hard and if it makes you happy and fulfilled, by all means do it and do it hard.

BUT

This is not real life for the majority of women in our world today. More power to the women who become full-time stay at home moms,if that is their choosing. But… it’s not real life. Not anymore. Not today.

And that’s not a bad thing! It’s fantastic that a man can walk out on a woman when he gets her pregnant, and her be ok. It sucks, and he’s a dick, sure – but she doesn’t have to move in with her parents for the rest of her life with no hope of anything. She has hope.

Without being too overly verbose with where this is going: A woman can do things with herself other than get hitched, and get knocked up. I do not at all get the feeling that this blogger understand this, and that is what was itching against the inside of my skull.

The, of course, there was this:

“Let the Lord lead you both together. Because when the days are endless and the hours short, it will only be His love who keeps you together. It will only be His mercy that gently guides your hearts as one. Hold tightly to one another, and even more tightly to the Lord.”

Forgive me but… (or don’t, I really don’t care) I fucking knew it. This just had to be one of those conservative Christian type articles, didn’t it?
Sigh.

It’s times and articles like these, Scissortail Silk, that absolutely disgust and repel women away from religion and send us running for the hills. This is repulsive in every sense of the word to us Godless ladies. I hope you can see that. I don’t judge your life-choice, even though it makes me physically ill to my stomach, it’s yours to chose. Just… understand that it makes most real-life women want to stab themselves in the eye socket with a dull pencil.

No, we do not need God or religion or baby Jesus to have a loving, working, openly-communicating relationship. Mine has been going just fine without all that stuff. We’re actually operating worlds better than the marriage I had back when I was a born-again Christian. And the sex before marriage is just fantastic, really and truly.

I could offer multiple varying paradigms for parenthood and marriage/relationships that do not include God or the whole mommy-stay-home-all-day thing, that work for many couples. They’re all quite happy and functioning. I applaud the actual message of your article: Don’t forget each other. But everything else? Is not universally applicable. It only applies to those who agree with your life-choices. I do not