Women: 5 things to fucking stop doing now

WOMEN MEAN

Anyone who has dated me, friend-ed me, married me, or the like has heard me utter the words “I hate women.” From a young age onward I lived the Tom Boy life. Not because dolls and hopscotch weren’t my thing, but because their odd social interaction were confusing to me. My first interaction with a female in school, I recall happened while I was watching curiously while the boys played wall-ball (or whatever it was called then), and this girl with braids ran up to me and asked if we could be friends. My mind went something towards the extent of “who the hell are you and why would I be your friend?” I said no, and she promptly ran back off and never talked to me again.

Other interactions were equally strange: gossip, the whole “who do you think is cutest” thing, the crying, the catiness, and the fuzzy lines of what is ok and not. Two more examples: 1.) Rough housing with who was and still is my best friend (and one of two girl-friends that I have) in recess, I had thrown sand at her and apparently that crossed the arbitrary line of what is not ok, and she ran off crying and didn’t speak to me until I came up and apologized for…. fuck if I knew then, I just knew that that’s what I had to do to get her to talk to me. 2.) Apparently when you’re in 1st grade, and you’re talking about what boy you think is the cutest, saying who you want to marry is OK, but saying who you are going to have sex with is not. Don’t know where I learned whatever-I-thought-sex-was at the ripe ‘ole age of 6, but I damn it I knew that that’s what married people did. Apparently that must’ve made the girls uncomfortable because it got to my teacher and I got a talking to after school.

Why couldn’t any of these three situations been dealt with between those who were involved? Why run away? Why get emotional? Why the cold-shoulders? Why the nods of “uh huh” and giggle and then telling on to a teacher?

The reason why I still do not enjoy the company of women is because all of these childhood attributes still run rampant. We have memes about them, they show up in our sitcoms and depictions of the stereotypical nagging wife. Yet it’s all socially acceptable, and men are still being told half-no-so-jokingly before getting married the advice of “She is always right.”

Then things like this, the woman’s translation guides that we have all undoubtedly see that both women and men agree as being true:

So, without further ado, here are 5 things Women need to stop fucking doing, now: 

  1. No means Yes, Fine means it’s not fine (i.e. read my mind)

    Honestly, most of these are going to be about women wanting men** to read their minds and not actually meaning the words that come out of their lips. But I get really tired of my male friends telling me how they don’t fucking know what their woman means when they say something, and that they end up getting shit on for it.

    Stop it.

    We may have a greater empathetic insight , but we can not assume everyone else can deduce what we mean when we say something.

    Not to mention saying one thing, and meaning the opposite, is usually known as lying. Stop lying and say what you mean.

    2. Giving Chase/ being coy/ not saying No when it gets uncomfortable

    This one is a big one. Yes, the chase can be a lot of fun. A lot of men enjoy the “hunt” of courtship, and a lot of women, myself included, enjoy being courted.

    BUT- and this is a huge but, stop giving chase when you are not interested, and use your “No” when something goes to far. A no is all it takes, and unless you have unwisely given chase to a rapist, all men will stop at a firm “No.” If they get mad at you saying no, then that is not someone you should be around. At all. Was this not taught to us as children or did too many of us not get the memo on obvious male douchery and potential rapist red flags?

    It’s not being coy to let him touch your hair if it makes you feel uncomfortable***, it’s not just being nice to smile and saw “awww” (stop that shit too) when a guy compliments a part of you that feels uncomfortable. Use your words, you’re a grown ass person. The vast majority of men will stop and engage you as another human being. The rest are rapists and you should run, or use your pepper spray.

    Funny how we tend to see ourselves as being sexy and in power when we make contact without consent from a man**, but yet if a man does it and we don’t like it, we can call assault without any need for communicating it, hm? Which leads to my next point:

    3. Double Standards

    Yeah, there are differences in the genders. Yes, men have different muscular structures (on average) and can usually over-power a female. Due to this biological fact that comes with higher levels of testosterone, yes they can more easily rape us than we can them.

    BUT– every standard we hold to others, should also be held to us. Consent is sexy as fuck, get a “fuck yeah” and sexytimes become so much more sexy. [[And since I know someone will call it, yeah some people like rape-play, that’s cool, but all good kinksters know that there needs to be consent before such plays are engaged in. If it’s sexy for you, communicate it clearly and preferably with a safe word as such things can get psychologically and physically damaging very quickly. All sex requires safety in some degree or another. ]]

    If you want it from your significant other, you should likewise give it to him/her.

    If you physically strike a man, they have a right to lawful self-defense, and if  you are physically stronger than them (yep, it happens) it may be lawfully quite just for them to hit you back: It’s not cute, it’s called assault. If they say “No,” it means no and stop: you’re not being cute and foxy, you’re being rapey. You are not always right, they are not always wrong, we are all humans with functioning brains and intellect and your genitals do not dictate your rightness: humbleness is a sexy trait, admit when you are wrong.

    4. Not asking for what you want

    Granted, this is very similar to point #1 in that it demands the other reading one’s mind, however it deserves it’s own point because it is the more silent, passive relationship killer.

    As a woman and a lady, we’re usually told to be overly modest in asking for our needs. It’s not “proper” for a woman to communicate when she is horny, yet it’s expected of the man to do so? Let’s end that. If you want him to stay home with you because you’re feeling needy today, say so. If you’re moody, communicate you need space. If just really want that double fudge brownie ice cream and that will solve all your problems (admit it, it happens), ask for it or get it.

    Your needs are valid and you will not get them unless you ask. You may not get them if you ask either, that’s life. If you can say no to sex, so can he (point #3).

    5. Exaggerated assault claims, flat out not-true rape/assault claims, and “I changed my mind I didn’t like it” assault/rape claims

    This is a touchy one. As a woman, it’s scary to write about. I’ve been a victim of assault at a young age, like so many women, and it changed my life. As usual, the man did not get justly punished for what he did to me and I was the one blamed for “getting him in trouble” when so many other women “had it done to them and liked it.”

    However, and I’m sorry not sorry, but women do lie. There are innocent men whose lies are forever ruined from a flat out false assault/rape charge.

    That is not ok, just as equally as it is not OK for a woman to get shit on for a legitimate horrid, disgusting crime against them. Is it our fault that we get shit on for our false claims? No, it’s not. But we tend to fight for that more than we do for the innocent men, don’t we?

    False claims happen, exaggerated claims happen (he touched me without my consent when what happened was he touched your hand, and you know damn well everyone reads “touched” as he touched your private parts. Can you imagine if a man claimed un-consensual touch for a hand/arm/shoulder/hair touch? Imagine it, go ahead.), and yeah, “I changed my mind and didn’t mean “yes” when I said “yes” claims” do happen to.

    Men are humans too. Let’s treat them like that, as equal creatures who can equally be falsely accused as much as a woman can.

    ** I write this in the context of heterosexuality because that is what I know, and for no other reason.

    *** Mind you, there are of course lines. If he touches your private regions, that’s a no-no that should only be gone to with clear and explicit consent.

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Slut Shaming

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Let’s be clear before I tackle this dead horse ( or is it dead if people still think it just? ): dishonesty is an awfully icky trait to have. I do not endorse the act of “cheating”, but the concept of possessiveness in the entire created restriction on another human being of ” cheating”.

Difficult to put into its proper words when it’s not a concept widely held in our present society.

We still seem to hold great regard and respect for those who maintain a monogamous relationship. Those who seduce, flirt, and “play around” are seen as the lesser. Sexual promiscuity bears a negative connotation or at the least, immaturity. Settling down, that is, obtaining a restricted monogamous relationship , is a goal to be reached.

That there is such a think as shaming or even using the word “slut” anymore is mind blowing to me. Why can not people do as they wish with their lives without judgment? Why see it as a cry for attention? Perhaps, some seek affirmation from others by sexual acts. And perhaps, that is not optimum in it’s depth of implication… But it would not seem that outward judgment aids anything.

Ultimately, love and honesty in all things. If one isn’t honest with him/herself, no matter how they live and act sexually and otherwise than they are cheating only themselves.

But alas, my words always fall short of what I wish to communicate. Discourse aids that. So:

Penny for your thoughts?

Overthinking Thoughts

overthinking

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.” Anthony Hopkins

What a strange concept: overthinking.I was contemplating the negative connotation behind the verb “to dwell” last night and could not help but wonder just what is so wrong. Dwelling seems to be connected with negative thoughts, and with distorting reality into something dark and distorted. But overthinking?

I ask myself: what can one overthink to the point of becoming negative? Is the act of the constant thinking the evil? Or is it, rather, the act of distortion that the mind can sometimes do unconsciously? Certainly, it can not be the former.

The first thing that comes to mind with the act of dwelling is on ex-‘s, be it friends, lovers, or loved ones through death. However, for me, the image that comes to mind with this is of a teenage girl dreading her latest infatuation’s abandonment. In that context, can I imagine a loving mother telling her not to dwell. Can this apply to a healthy, thinking, humanistic adult individual? What harm can come from thinking, contemplating, twisting and turning, prying, deducing, and gleaning from a prior relationship?

Surely, we can all quickly come up with examples of the harm it can cause… but perhaps there is also great good to be learned as well. Perhaps it is the good we should strive for, and not, as they say: throw the baby out with the bath water.

A penny for  your thoughts? I will gladly pay it, if needed, to atone for the pain perhaps uncovered from delving into the dwelling portions of the psyche.