Confession: I judge you


Forgive me, people. But I hate you.

Hate is such a strong word. But when I see Christian families with 3+ children, I have this evil reaction inside of me. I can only call that boiling of blood, gall, and stomach acids hate.

Oh, I also hate you young Christians with your happy little virgin weddings. I judge you and think you are retarded.

Phew. That’s off my shoulders.

OK, so there are most likely personal reasons that I just impose onto everyone else as my own blind biases, so before the flaming and hurt from Facebook and church friends ensues I will name my biases, cognitive dissonance, and mirroring out front. Perhaps it will be cathartic and I will stop cringing every time you announce you are pregnant, again, or engaged to your lovely pure wife:

1. Did that whole virgin marriage. It sucked. I look back on it like “wow was I dumb” and do the same to all of you. As magical as you think your wedding night will be, in the sheer reality and statics of “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” logic, you will hate it. (Ensue “intimacy arguments below. You know you want to.)

2. I miscarried my only pregnancy and have trouble conceiving. Therefore, I hate you and your 5th baby. Share damn it.

3. Idiots populate way too easily, and the smartest people I know are refusing to populate the world. Ever seen ” Idiocracy”? Yeah, it’s what I think.

So sorry. Not sorry if you’re either dumb, or on the Jesus-freak no-logic/reason train.

I know I’m not alone, and I know also a lot of flame and personal examples will ensue. Soooo….

Penny for your thoughts?


16 thoughts on “Confession: I judge you

  1. I have always been a proponent of the whole “save yourself” mentality, even outside of christianity, being a crock of shit. I want to give my love and the person that means the most to me my best. Your “virginity” is only as special as you make it. If your partner doesn’t care then it doesn’t matter. Sex is about connection and fun and the fact that no other body parts have been inside you means nothing.

    Most people have still been intimate with others. They have given head and dry humped. To me that is the same as sex just frustrating, but by golly they kept their purity ring because their panties never came ALL the way off.

    Have fun, explore yourself and become the best you you can be BEFORE you settle down so you know who you are and find the right person.

    It does suck that so many of the people that teach the shittyest lessons reproduce the most to teach more and more children their shitty lessons. Under the guise of “an abundant love” and wanting to spread the good word and family is so important. It whitewashes your lesson and takes away so much of the individuality of each child when there are 4-5 others.

    A big family can be gained from close friends and learning how to make real connections instead of “let’s see of many kids we can pop out that are forced to be connected”.

    More people from big families find individuality and self AFTER they leave home because in such a big house there is no room to grow and develop. Like a little people farm where free ranged is shut down by bible verses and your ideals are fed to you through tubes so that you don’t miss any.

    I take penny’s in money order or cash, no personal checks =P

    • What stands out to me most about “virginity” is the difference in male and female understandings. Not even just in today’s culture, but for millennia prior, many societies put female virginity on a pedestal as “pure”. While male virginity is in a rush to get rid of, the female’s is not.

      While somewhat understandable with how said cultures and societies were structured, today it makes no sense to keep such stigmas. Yet, they do remain.

      As for children and such….. It all makes my head spin. Too much hatred inside at the rampant spreading and reproducing of ignorance and sheer lack of nurturing life. Brainwashing to see the world in a particular lens is particularly infuriating when the human mind is so…. Just incredible in how it observes and interprets. That is my main mental hang IP.

      Beyond that rant – I agree with all of what you said.

  2. Speaking as a fairly conservative Christian, Christianity’s teachings on sexuality in general really go in opposition to the modern narrative. What’s funny is that nobody is really willing to touch this issue as it is, including the progressive “sexually liberated” side of the population. Here the progressive side falls short when they tell conservatives “you do things your way, and we’ll do things our way”. Most conservative perspectives on sexuality aren’t based on preference, but a sense of moral obligation. You can live a fairly traditional/conservative life as far as your sexual practices and family unit is concerned based on your preferences, but without the moral obligation to organize your life that way you really can’t say you understand where conservatives are coming from.

    Take the issue of “slut shaming” for example. The ideal solution (for the modern narrative) is that women should be allowed to engage in sexually promiscuous behavior with the same free reign traditionally given to men (men are players or studs when they have multiple partners). The conservative solution is to double down and start shaming men. Do you understand what I mean here?

    • I do not. In whole. I do, partially, because I spent many of my years in a conservative mindset and do understand the use of the term “modern narrative”.

      However, you clearly are speaking from a mainly Christian perspective. As such, there is a language barrier. We use words very differently. Hopefully, due to my background and education I can try to interpret what you are saying.

      It seems you are attempting to explain where Christians are coming from: moral obligation. Then you mention how “… Do things your way….” stance falls short. How is that? Hopefully, your “start shaming men” is intending to do so inside your people. Or is there a feeling of moral obligation to change everyone else?

      • The moral obligation ought to start with the individuals holding the obligation, not to outsiders. Unfortunately, that doesn’t go without saying. When Christians (or any group who holds a strict moral/ethical standard) speak out on an issue, they should work hard not to engage in hypocritical behavior.

        Additionally, while I do think that the conservative standards with regard to sexuality are beneficial/ideal outside of a religious context, they are connotatively inseparable from it. As such, a Christian cannot assume their perspective stands without question. The reverse my previous point is why the “do things your way” argument doesn’t work.

        To clarify, a Christian cannot assume that nonbelievers are secretly aware of the truth/righteousness of their standards. Similarly, the “do things your way” people cannot assume that those who hold a conservative/Christian view on sexuality are motivated by preference.

        Sometimes a moral obligation works in tandem with preferential standards, but not all the time. That was the point I was trying to make about the traditional family style. Here’s a more clear distinction between preference and obligation.

        Family A: Husband and Wife, no sex until marriage.
        Husband makes the money
        Wife is a home maker
        Offspring are taught, and are expected to live by, the same standards as their parents when they reach their adolescent years.

        Family B: Husband and Wife, no sex until marriage.
        Husband makes the money
        Wife is a home maker
        Offspring are given condoms by their parents and told to make whatever decision feels right to them, when they reach adolescent years.

        Family A and B both have traditional (hetero-normative) family styles. Family A is motivated by a sense or moral obligation, made evident by them expecting their children to live the same way they did. Family B is motivated by preference giving the children a choice and the proper equipment to make whatever decision they would like. The “do things your way” side would assume that both families are acting according to preference, that’s not true.

      • I can see your point.

        However it is also wrong to assume all people with the “have it your way” stance assume personal preference as the cause. Many people are well aware that religious individuals think their way is correct and objectively moral.

        We (some/many or at least I) simply deny the existence of objective morality, and allow others to believe as they wish and live ours. I believe in informed living, and do not see reason to live the Christian way nor see their ways as beneficial or superior.

      • When doubting the existence of an objective morality, you run the risk of making the same mistake a lot of believers make. You view their perspective through your own world view. And presume they are secretly hiding the fact that you’re right.

        Not saying all nonbelievers do this. But we can’t really have this discussion while declaring “our side” as the victims. Progressive fall short, in my opinion, because they generally represent less restrictions while simultaneously declaring victimhood.

      • Well, I do not. As I said, I spent most of my life as a Christian and tend to run more open minded than a lot of Atheists. πŸ™‚

        Not really declaring your/our side a victim? But too bad you don’t think we can discuss more. I happen to enjoy it. Thank you for the visit! I’d love to see your feedback on my other topics, anytime.

  3. My wife and I were virgins when we got married, and we now have four children five and under. I would not consider either of us stupid or unfit for our contribution to the population. If being a virgin on your wedding night is simply about pleasure then, no, you will not find what you are looking for. No one learns to play an instrument or excel at a sport without experience. To imply that two virgins getting married is a bad idea based on pleasure implies that their commitment to each other is based solely on their personal gratification. That’s practically an opposite definition of love.

    • If you truly believe this, you are welcome to your opinion. Of course.

      I still judge you, and my opinion stands.

      But I do appreciate you sharing your perspective here! Without conversation and discussion, growth and change can never happen. πŸ™‚

  4. I can’t help but agree with you. Getting married to someone before you’ve really gotten to know them seems like a bad idea. My partner and I will have been living together for a year in September, but we aren’t planning on getting married for another year. We know what it’s like to live together. We don’t need to worry about the shock after we’ve made it difficult to leave each other.
    As for children, I think the ideology of “go forth and multiply” is silly. Too many people have more kids than they can afford. Though I’m sorry to hear you have trouble conceiving. If you want children, which it sounds like you do, that has to be hard.

    • Agree. Thank you for sharing and the encouragement. πŸ™‚ We start fertility treatment again this month for the first time since our miscarriage. It’s exciting!

  5. I’m with you on the kids thing, I’d actually like for future generations to not have to deal with an even more over-populated planet with increased strain on natural resources. Even if I never have a child of my own!

    As for marriage, I don’t even believe in the usefulness of it nowadays. I do believe though that a significant level of commitment is a wise idea before getting too touchy-feely. You should at least know the possible consequences and be prepared to deal with them should you choose to step in that direction.

    • I still want to reproduce in mass. But that is because I arrogantly and stubbornly think I have something to contribute greatly to the world with my smart genes…. Ha! At least I admit it though, right? We have discussed adopting and fostering too though. Nurture the already created humans who have been abandoned….

      Choices and consequences in all things with life.

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