Transgender, Sexuality, and Cruelty

You are beautiful, no matter who you are or become or was or will be. You are human, and part of us.

You are beautiful, no matter who you are or become or was or will be. You are human, and part of us.

**I wrote this without a lot of awareness of terms and uses of pronouns. This is new to me. Please forgive them before I get to a full edit.**

Today, I met and spoke as an equal with a transgendered individual who identified as “queer,” so in this post I will use “she” to identify “her” due to it being the gender “she” identifies most with and seeks to be. It was humbling, frightening, sickening, and saddening. The pain she has been through in her search for complete alteration (operation) shot a dagger of pain into my heart. I had to vent it out after our discussion lest I carry my sorrow over her pain all day.

She had been raped, faced with the rapist on the bus on her way home because she was afraid to prosecute him. She’s been called horrible things. Treated horribly. Shown almost no support due to their being so few people who identify as transgendered in our city. And yet still, had the strength to be alive today. As she unleashed her pain and suicidal thoughts and intentions (could not keep living pre-op, hated herself), I tried my hardest to understand, try to understand, and show support and complete non-judgement.

She was a wonderful person. I talked to her for the first time about by own monogamous polyamory (perhaps I will share at a later time, here, on that), and she understood and listened. We talked, and my heart lightened.

I hope to see her again, I hope she carries the strength to keep going. I hope humanity can rise above judging their fellow man for such things. I have hope that we can.

I can type no more on this, so please: your thoughts, feelings, reactions, advise, and stories for a penny or more.


12 thoughts on “Transgender, Sexuality, and Cruelty

  1. I am glad that you are willing to accept this individual for who they are. Too many people discriminate against trans and gender non-conforming people. I do have a couple of issues though.You focused a lot of attention on communicating this person’s female identity. Rather than try to explain this to the reader, just mention that this person is transgender (and only because it is important for the blog post) and then begin using female pronouns. Focusing so strongly on the pronouns others this person and makes there identity dependent on their being transgender. You also mention that they are queer, but nothing in this post makes it necessary for the reader to know that they’re queer.
    As for understanding, that comes with time. If you continue to communicate with trans and gender non-conforming individuals, and you are willing to listen to what they have to say and follow their lead when it comes to how you interact with them, then you will gain understanding as well as friendship quite easily.

    • Thank you so much for you correction and suggestion. I mean that. I was raised to be a very judgmental anti-gay Christian, and am trying my best to learn what was not taught to me.

      I think and hope that the only reason I made such an effort to explain was because she did to me when I apologetically asked what pronoun she identified with. In hindsight, that’s a stupid question I guess…. As her name was female. Sigh…. I’m trying. Her answer WAS that she identified as queer, though. Her words.

      I digress. Honestly and truly, thank you. Please continue to correct me when needed.

      • On no, you did the right thing by asking. If you are unsure, always ask. It is far better than making assumptions. It can be difficult to go against your upbringing. I applaud you for working so hard to accept others as equals.

      • I accept them as equals.. At least i want to. BUT i understand that the roots of my judgmental Christian upbringing remains. Help me dig them out and burn them! Lol

      • Sorry, all I can do is try and help you understand. Burning them is up to you. But I can understand the upbringing thing. You seem to be at a point where you see them as equals. But if you are interested, you could probably find an LGBTQ support group to volunteer at. They are usually looking for allies.

      • True with the burning. 🙂 Great idea too, yes we do have one.

        This lady I met is also heading one specifically for trans folk in her city. So that’s an option, if she wants allied help.

    • Yes. I really hope so. She was making a lot of suicide threats in group. The Dr. had to talk her down from a full blown breakdown during her check in. I’m really concerned.

      • I hope she is able to find a place of peace. It must be awful, feeling so completely invalidated by society – receiving messages that your very being is wrong. Ugh.

  2. Properly identifying those of unclear gender seems to be an unclear practice itself as there are many variations. I think you have done well as you have made your best effort to approach the topic respectfully. At this point, that’s the key. As a society, we will eventually reach consensus of how to identify those who are not clearly male or female. A term I learned from a YouTube sexologist that you might want to look up is “intersex”. Of course, it is still common for those who are intersex to identify more with male or female, as that is how society is generally set up, and this should be taken into account – much like you did!

    • Thank you.:-) I did do my best, so thank you for seeing that.

      How I try to write, especially when writing about a person, is by asking myself how he or she would react to what I said? So, I’ve accepted critique from people with more experience with alternate sexualities than my own, with open arms.

      I will look into that, sounds interesting. Thank you!

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